If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you, son. I’ve got ninety- nine problems and also have girl problems as well, in addition.115

When I chose a life in music, I didn’t consider that I had also consigned myself to a lifetime of deeply unpleasant black-painted restrooms.131

The BQE is a bad road, to be sure, and full of evil, but there are roads in this land that make the BQE seem like a ribbon of taffy.134

There are raccoons in my yard, which is fine, except they’ve built a fire and are standing in a circle, and one of them is wearing a crown.194

I go on the internet every day at 4:30AM. Then I talk to my friends, the airplane pilots, by yelling up the chimney. Thusly, I stay connected.334